hand of coin hand of moon
bright tooth breaking down primal cuts
no one calls you faggot with a boning knife 
on the board bucket of bones meat piled
fat and trim ready for rendering 
chef said 
              【tuesday and friday its five cases of chicken 
                  by 10:00am 
                  eight way cut and halves 
                                  trim for stock】

as if any arboreal world
was not bound by water
hand of salt hand of shell
spines bound to a pole
ash in all our words
a fine powder on window 
a flashing light down low

sous chef made it clear 
she had no use for silly ass bitches
      【you're a cook 
          it's cold but this is sink or swim
                  you'll have to learn on the fly
                       dig yourself out of the weeds】
granny said sometimes the tea
in your cup 
            is never quite strong enough 

task at hand time of service
keeping your shit wired tight speaking of adaptive 
behaviors focus focus focus
float         on ebb and flow always 
behind the eight ball idea was
if you understood the structure 
you could anticipate the need
necessity driving sugar sugar 
sugar there's no need to be precious 
don't shit where you eat don't sleep near either
leave no trace over the long haul ruthlessly lighten 
the load when you step off from certainties they say
it gets better with practice as if erosion isn't the primary
danger erasure follows diagnosis put your shoulder 
to the wheel assimilate or not the mirror empties 
residual calamity underfoot absences define
the awkward it wasn't quick or painless 
easy only comes to the relentless 

hand of chert hand of palm hand of salt
each word a beginning each word
ash fragrant  broken pine burn piles
oak limbs palm fronds detritus mythologies 
of detransition you are what you eat what you abandon 
thrives yet

even those sold to the tune of concertina 
glittering depository of anguishes someone 
selling bootstraps fasting for the soul another copper
laced text to cure what ails     hear the wail
laying on of hands

chef said 
               【 it's the cold for fingers      repetitive motion 
                        that does in the wrist
                            sauté is the worst】

never stout    hrt made technique necessity 
prep setup eight burners eight spiders folded
into flame don't step onto my line
              if you can't drag the mats
at closing 
deck broom swab wet then dry
stay the fuck out of my station 

used to extremity 
falling out from heat dehydration 
inevitability is where we draw breath 
body endures as we shuffle forms
tickseed thick with bees crushed shell
loading dock alley tobacco breeze toasted 
burley 
chef exhaled 
              【fuck 
                          you're good 
                              work my guys into the dirt
                                  but people won't let go
                                       know what I'm sayin】
another ninety days down 
adaptation refines  eye hand muscle memory 
fine work detailed turning root vegetables 
perishables and their care
                                        the willing suspension abandonment 
of expectation as you say so you are
there's more than one burn
                            steam grill 
skin sloughing roux
the realization that assimilation 
was just another con 
                                 squeezing the extra
feeding on body and memory
what sustains is having endured 
refined learning to do without the eye
falls into ember some flames
are never diminished
easy 
only comes to the relentless lightness 
is a naming
for all we have shed learned 
to cut away